Anna’s attempts at asking her manager for help in dealing with a harassing friend were unsuccessful. “My boss just told me, ‘He’s stupid – wait until he’s angry’.”
Being new to his job, he had no associates to express his views on the company he had joined. Sad and lonely, she spoke to me to teach me psychology so I could find a way to deal with her problem.
Like Anna, many people struggle to understand and rely on themselves to get out of abusive work. Instead, they think, “What did I do wrong?”
When inconsistent, it is easy to exaggerate your point of view when it comes to the activities of a non-profit organization, or simply to the point of human behavior: an oppressive boss or a dangerous ally. The offender is usually well-behaved and attractive, which only serves to aggravate the problem.
In addition, if your exciting career is causing jealousy, trying to improve things and improving your performance only makes things worse. Similarly, if trying to defend oneself is interpreted as questioning the perpetrator’s abilities, then you are in for a rude awakening. Expressing your feelings to a workmate who is disturbing you is understandable if he or she can improve the situation.
Anna, an American in her early 30’s, was terrified of her job when a colleague entered her job, attacked her, complained about her and threatened to fire her. Matters came to a head because the disorder had caused him to recall the pain he had suffered as a child.
He explains: “I saw a lot of people and became suspicious of them. Which made me wonder: ‘Is something wrong with me?’ And because I didn’t know where to turn, it always scared me and scared me. ”
I explained how her friend’s actions were designed to make Anna feel sorry for herself so that she wouldn’t feel inadequate. It also appears that the partner is not leaving and the company did not intend to take action. When Anna encountered this she was able to free herself and prepare to go out.
He says: “What helped us in our discussions was to explain the organization’s culture, attitudes, DNA – it was clear that the organization did not care. There’s a CEO who excels a lot and sees everyone as never changing and useless. ”
Changing his mind not only eased his fears, but his confidence returned. He no longer allowed himself to be a target for another. With this in mind, he is able to respond to what is happening, rather than just face the pressures of childhood.
“I don’t like dealing with people who shout ‘BS’, but me [now] note how unpleasant it is to be caught in the rain unpleasant. It doesn’t mean anything to me, it just means I’m wet. ”
At work, there is no time, energy, or motivation to deal with stress. It is often easier to adopt negative opinions from others than to admit that your organization does not like you or protects you from harm.
However, the risk of developing self-esteem, fatigue or frustration is still high. Such thinking fosters negative thoughts and feelings of inadequacy, which in turn leads to more self-esteem and more productivity. The right motive, therefore, should be self-defense. Try to minimize damage by not criticizing them if possible, moving to another location in the company or looking for a new job.
While the prospect of departure may be difficult for some, especially if their self-esteem has plummeted, it is easier to let go of the danger than to recover from the devastation.
Michael, 35, a communications manager at a manufacturing company, also became involved in a dispute with his manager. But in reality, his boss admired Michael and his thoughts. When he did well, his boss scolded him.
“I felt awkward being in that position,” Michael says. “There is a certain madness – I began to think that there must be a secret language or a way of doing things that I did not read and that my skills were not important.
“I now realize that it was not up to me. My manager was very insecure and expressed his concerns to his team. ”
Michael’s thinking was that he had to put forth effort to maintain his balance when things went awry, but that only made matters worse. The way to learn from him was to realize that no matter how dedicated, well-mannered and integrity he might be, he would never succeed in doing so. Afterwards, he was able to leave knowing that failure was not his fault.
“For many years I thought there was work to be guaranteed, but there I found that no matter how hard I worked, assurance did not come. This was an encouraging experience, it really hardened me. ”
Realizing that not everything can be fixed can be frustrating, but it is also comforting to know that not everything is under your control.
Michael said: “I was very impressed with my organizational skills.” “As an abusive relationship, it’s hard to have the courage to leave – in the end it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.”
If you are experiencing depression, frustration or fatigue at work due to a relationship or a culture of suicide, get a trusted person – a former mentor, a close friend or a skilled teacher – to give you advice. They can confuse self-destructive ideas in your mind and tell you the facts and possible solutions.
Ask yourself if things are difficult and need to be addressed or if they are signs of a difficult person or a big issue that they cannot change.
Leaving a toxic environment is comforting and often a relief. Making awareness of your experiences helps you not only quit the bad job, but also the bad thoughts. The main goal is to heal yourself.
The author is a professional business consultant and psychotherapist. He is the author of the upcoming book, ‘The Man Who Destroyed His Job’.