These are hard times for fiftysomethings. Perhaps they always were but, obviously, the problem became more serious when I joined the cohort. For not only is this the decade when we realize the tide of society may no longer be with us, but suddenly the wisdom of our years is bafflingly unwanted. Just when we are finally ready to dispense our accumulated pearls to this shiftless, entitled, snowflake generation, we find that for some reason they don’t value our opinions.
This is pretty hard to take. Of course we rebelled against the dreary conventionalism of the previous generation, but that was different. No one said anything about it being a circle of life thing. We grew up having to at least pretend to listen to the views of fiftysomethings but understood “your time will come”. Well now it has and what the hell? With the collapse of deference – another societal change we suddenly abhor – these mere twenty- and thirtysomethings are spurning our wisdom and having their own opinions in the office and on social media and seem in some way to hold it against us that we may have, oh I don’t know, destroyed their economy, prospects and planet.
A further difficulty is that fiftysomethings still feel young (except perhaps when the government is setting out its priority lists for Covid vaccines). We copy our children’s clothes (albeit in a relaxed fit) and like their music (well you do, obviously I don’t myself). But while we may still feel in touch and relevant, our values, instincts and outlook belong to a discernibly different era. For all the sweeping social changes, our parents’ world was recognizably similar to the one we headed into.
But anyone over 50 today has lived at least half their life with no internet and more without social media or streaming services. Today’s rising generation do not expect to enjoy linear career progression or a company pension. They may not get Casablanca references and find it hard to understand a record collection let alone why it always included Jeff Wayne’s The War of the Worlds. We can learn their zeitgeist, but we don’t live it.
So while there is always a role for people with experience, especially at work, we need to be careful about offering unsolicited advice to those who are now 25 to 30 years younger than us. All of which brings me to Kirstie Allsopp, the TV presenter best known for property porn shows on Channel 4, who recently opined on young people struggling to buy a home. “I get enraged when people say they can’t afford to buy. They can. But they have to move. I know there are many who cannot afford to buy, but others are not willing to make the sacrifices. When I bought my first property, going abroad, the easyJet, coffee, gym, Netflix lifestyle did not exist, ”she said.
This, of course, is the kind of tough love so well received by those who no longer need it. A large cohort of Allsopp’s generation enjoy a little more than telling it straight to young wastrels. That’s right, you juvenile loafers, stop moaning about London prices; move to Bootle just like we didn’t.
Yet reading her remarks highlighted the conflict for fiftysomethings like me. My first response was a glimmer of recognition that, yes, I had to cut back to save for my own first deposit. But this is the Daily Express of social insight. While there are doubtless some feckless youngsters out there, most would-be homeowners do not need this condescension. Allsopp secured her first flat aged 21. The average age for a first-time buyer is now over 30 and that is not because everyone is going to Starbucks.
This was just one recent example of fiftysomething tutting. Yet once we hit a certain age, the lessons in how we used to live are as much use as my parents’ memories of food rationing. Our experiences of key life stages are decreasingly relevant and even less welcome if sprinkled with a helping of “you entitled millennials”. This gap was especially obvious mid-pandemic for those of us able to easily cope in lockdown while younger colleagues struggled with their children’s schooling.
The attitudes which informed so much of our upbringing are gone whether we approve or not. The current generation do not consider themselves snowflakes for no longer thinking that the best way to deal with anxiety, racism or people giving offense is to “dry up” and push through. They do not relate to the “buck up” crowd who think that managing gropers is just one more thing women need to sort out for themselves.
In work, technology and relationships, there is less social certainty than there was 50 years ago. And while sometimes the old world view is not always entirely wrong, the problem is that it is also not entirely right.
So here is one thought, not for other generations but for my own: if, be it implicitly or explicitly, your advice contains the phrase “in my day”, the chances are that your day for dispensing wisdom has already gone.
Follow Robert on Twitter @robertshrimsley and email him at robert.shrimsley@ft.com
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