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I have Brood X Cicada. You’re a Walking Man. We are not the same

Editor’s Notes: Eastern United States, millions a Brood X’s cicadas are coming out from the ground, as millions of Americans walk out of their homes and enjoy the Covid-19 ban. Many people enjoy these similarities. WIRED ordered one cicada to take him.

It’s got six legs, remembering after the eons’ separation in her anal water, and just wanting to break it all summer? You, you have received a horndog vaccine, you are sweating your sweat and you are eager to have sex, brunch, and seltzers that you have released a lot of legs.

Well, the right answer for anatomical is me, Brood X cicada. Ine ine ine me meee-You hear me sing that all summer when I try to put my adaegus in any spermatheca hanging on a maple tree, if you fall on me. After 17 years they are clay, and psychedelic mushrooms then I took the lower half of my body and somehow suppressed my sexual desire, being ready to shake or a few hundred. But I see you, sick man, I want to be me: send forth thy snares, change your pecs, and are streaming to dating programs so forcefully that some health researchers predict a storms of sexually transmitted diseases in after-vax Summer of Love.

Let’s face it: Just because I’m not afraid of myself doesn’t mean I’m a hero. I appreciate the care I have had for so many years in secret – I feel like Matthew Perry must have heard back to Friends set up for the first time since 2004 – but I am not the ghost of the most famous, White Boy Summer executives. I’d like to have your cauliflower sauce or clean me up in your guacamole than to be your mascot of the post-epidemic pounds parade. You and I, friend, are different.

I know what you’re thinking: Why should I get advice from cicada? Other than that, I have not been there since Omarosa lost Student and Usher’s “Burn” was a summer song. And after 15 months of writing notes from Fauci, your ambassador, and your mother, you may feel like the last thing you want right now is to be taught by insects. But this is what you need, uninterested, without wings. The comparison stops here.

One, then you’re at the top of the food chain, where I just add the juices. Even hard-working scientists compare it to cicadayou can all eat crabs. ” It’s on Kimmel and laugh at the jokes about how cicadas make big meat instead of pork, when I have to be busy eating pork that I can, after, before I eat squirrels, squirrels, dogs, or you.

Despite the sudden excitement, we have been doing this without a hitch for 40 million years. You guys, on the other hand, have been trying to have a summer sex session for about four minutes, and it’s already a very heavy hell than cicada sex. This is how it is magic happens to us: Men — bags beyond boys! -press their jacks together so tightly that they sound louder than a Hoobastank concert. This is our only carry-on line, which tends to do a little better. If women don’t drive us with their feathers of disgust, we go for an hour, don’t move. Sometimes raccoon eats us inside the shtup, and otherwise we die immediately after the shtup. (For a discussion of hot springs, see pages 347 of John Cooley in short how we live.) In the meantime, your marriage tradition is centered on refining your oil photos on your big phone, and then I ask people on the pictures who have the company’s vaccine-like vaccine-like cable! What a love.

I hope I don’t come up with a sex stick in the mud — so, come and think about it, the best place for cicadas to do. You can’t hold me against love and affection when I step into the eyes of a friend and all six of them I admire while the white plug of spores where my ass ate me alive. But what you want to take this summer is not love. It is the same passion as fungal infections.


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