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Help! Her Boyfriend Thinks I’m Dangerous

Dear OOO,

I am a middle-aged woman in the middle company. “Ben,” my best friend, just told me “Steve,” my boyfriend, who told me that he was afraid of me. Steve and I don’t work in the same department but we do meet together often, and here I am self-sufficient and around him. I’m a good person, not an oppressor, I swear, but I like to say frankly, what do I think Steve means to be dangerous? Ben thinks it’s because I’m a woman, but I don’t know how to help this guy now – help!


This absolutely, of course, happens unexpectedly because you are a woman. I want more information about your work or your personality or Steve so that I can know without a doubt that they may be afraid of you — or telling people that they are afraid of you — because they do not get along well with women at work.

I know this because he has been told four times that I am dangerous, and the accuser is always the man. (In 75% of cases, like you, the man is too scared to tell me, so I take this message through another man.) I know this because I asked a group of other women – women who know how to be good people! —Even though someone had accused them of intimidation at work, and everyone said yes. I know this because I have worked with many men who claim to be women but who appear to men and women differently in the office, and because I have worked with many women who have changed their work ethic for some time to get them. I don’t know your Steve, but I do know Steve.

I also know because academic research confirms this. 2015 learning published in Behavior and Human Psychology found that “men are more vulnerable (compared to women) than women in higher positions (compared to men with higher positions) and, as a result, have more motivating practices for women.” In one phase of the experiment, men were instructed to decide how to share a $ 10,000 bonus between them and a fictional manager. When a female manager is referred to as “ambitious,” men save more than half of that amount. “Men are known to be better and more capable leaders than women,” one of the authors of the study said told Dulani at the time. “The popular organization is also operating between men and women. As a result, men seeking positions of responsibility do not eliminate or oppose religious leaders. ”

The assurance from the online reporter that the problem is Steve and not you will not fix things, I know. However, it allows us to deal with the right problem: You work with a man who does not get along with women at work. (In other words: You are not dangerous.) The problem is, there is no easy way to make men work with women (lol / sob). Whatever you do, please do not try to change your behavior around Steve; Changing the ones you don’t know works very well, and it’s not worth asking even. Meeting someone who already thinks you are “dangerous,” at this point, may not be the best. You feel uncomfortable with her for a while, but try to do all you can to be a normal, kind, and direct person — this is her problem to deal with, not yours.

Let’s talk about Ben. Some co-workers are very close that they tell each other everything, and if a close friend fails to tell me that some of my friends are threatening me, I would be devastated. But your use of the word “little” makes me think that maybe you and Ben aren’t really close absolutely absolutely shouldn’t tell you. That is not a message for anyone but a close friend! It’s too late to put the toothpaste back in the tube, but Ben is in charge here. If they don’t put Steve in his place, Ben will come back and say something else. They may start by telling Steve that there is no danger in you, that you are willing to work with them, and that they should try to get to know you better.

For more men’s cookies, Ben also has to say calmly (or not calmly!) That it’s a little sex to call a dangerous woman because he says what he means. Again, it is true that there is no easy way for men to get along with women. But there is a hard way: It requires world benches to rise.

Many Great Stories

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